I have a small but perfectly formed circle of good friends who I can trust with anything, and who, no matter how hard I push away, will not budge. They have seen me at my lowest and stuck around waiting for me to stick my head out of the hole again. Our friendships have been changed because of my illness though, and it makes me really sad to acknowledge that. Continue reading “22 – “With a friend at hand you will see the light” – Friends – Elton John”
I can’t believe we’re almost at the end of February already. It doesn’t seem very long ago at all that we were all caught up in the chaos of Christmas and I was wondering how I was going to keep the smile believable throughout it all. Continue reading “21 – “I just want to live while I’m alive” – My Life – Bon Jovi”
It’s been a long time since I felt able to write anything, things have been especially dark. At one point I found myself ready to give in to the demons. Literally seconds away from ending it all, escaping the darkness forever. I had always thought that if/when that time came, I would be scared, but I wasn’t. I finally felt in control and calm. Continue reading “20 – “I’m ready for the fight, so bring it on” – Somebody Loves Me – Rick Astley”
Almost four weeks after I took my first “happy pill” and I feel worse than ever…. When will this hell end?? Continue reading “19 – “And I don’t want the world to see me” – Iris – Goo Goo Dolls”
I have spent months trying to pull myself out of this black hole, fighting the urge to hurt myself, trying all sorts of weird and wonderful new things in order to try and silence the demons, faking the smile for so long that I feel like I’ve forgotten what it’s like to smile naturally. I kept telling myself that things would get better but they haven’t and after barely making it through the last week, I realised if I was to survive this, the only way was to get myself to a GP.
Suicide is a difficult subject to talk about, it is highly emotional and opinion is divided. I believe it is so important to discuss it openly though, getting people talking about something removes the stigma and encourages understanding and awareness. Continue reading “16 – “Now if you feel that you can’t go on” – Reach Out I’ll Be There – Four Tops”
School summer holidays are fast approaching here and whilst I absolutely love having my big girl at home with us, the break brings with it different challenges in my battle with depression. Continue reading “15 – “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” – Stronger – Kelly Clarkson”
There’s nothing quite like a funeral to make you think about your own life. This week I kicked my demons into touch to say goodbye to my friend (see blog post 13), and although it was an incredibly difficult and emotional day, it also forced me to face up to the fact that my depression has been in control of my life for far too long. Continue reading “14 – “The sun will shine again” – Sometimes It’s Hard – Jamie Lawson”